Friday, December 22, 2006

Still here?

Jesus, I wiffle on, don't I?

Perhaps it's a good thing I've not seen fit to revisit my blog for the last 6 months then.

To be honest, I think I've been far too busy to have the energy to rant about stuff that gets up my nose. Perhaps it's time for the "2006 - What a Year!" review. But then you can read that here.

Perhaps I'll have more vim and bile in the new year.

More then, maybe!

C

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Caroline's List of "Famous People I Do Not Like"

It has been brought to my attention that the list of famous people who can elicit the response of "I absolutely can't stand (insert name)...."and a 20 minute accompanying rant is growing. Perhaps it's time to get some perspective, get it written down and fix it on screen so that I can keep track of whether it's me just being tetchy, snobby, old-fashioned and unreasonable, or whether there really are too many untalented, vacuous, useless semi-celebrities famous for absolutely no good reason out there.

1) Lets start it with Robbie Williams. Because he's an easy one.

To get a proper system in place, I will use several questions to draw out my objections.

Who is he and what is he famous for? He's a singer. He was a "member" of Take That. They were a "band"(only one of them played an instrument) of 5 boys who took the charts by storm in the 1990s, but only on their second attempt after rebranding with a much more gay friendly image. Led by Gary Barlow, (whose vocal style can by best summed up as akin to that of a vacuum cleaner with a full bag making an impassioned cry to be emptied) as the talented song-writing dynamo (whom the record company had had no luck trying to sell 'til they hit on the "band" idea), the rest of Take That were 4 pretty (muscular, looked good semi-naked, not very clever) boys who danced and sung backing vocals, until Robbie's Mum had a word with the manager and got him a song all to himself. I didn't like him then. When the band broke up, Robbie went off and partied, brawled, consumed drugs and grew a belly with Liam Gallagher (of whom, perhaps more later) for a bit (cos he's rock'n'roll) and then gave it all up, in a saintlike and self sacrificing way, to return as a solo artist. Working with Guy Chambers, a pop writer with credentials, he began work on his opus of songs in the key of "it's so hard to be young, famous, rich and have so much disposable income that it won't all fit up my nose, and my mum made me the wrong sandwich for my lunch so she clearly doesn't love me enough, just like everyone else." And it's this blend of exclusive, self-pitying, over-indulgent, egotistical nonsense in his lyrics that has seen him sign a contract that has made him "rich beyond his wildest dreams." And he's still bleating on about it!

He looks like the lad in the old Yellow Pages ad, who stands on the thick directory so he can plant a kiss on the taller girl's lips. Aaaaaah. How sweet.

What is your problem with him then? He's just so arrogant! He arrived back from his wilderness years (a few lost weeks in several of the world's party capitals) and surfed straight into the trough of despair that had afflicted the nation's mid-teenaged female population following the demise of Take That, and downright bloody told them that he was the best performer in the world, and they believed him. Unfortunately, they were all so desperate that they didn't care what he was singing about, as long as he was singing (nasally, annoyingly, as if he's a pub singer taking the mick). And so we've had all manner of lyrical accounts of situations that everyone can relate to in their own lives, which bring a greater understanding of the world to all listeners, about how no-one understands you when you're famous and rich, and how brilliant he is as a performer. (My blood is beginning to boil.)

Is he actually any good? Obviously, I'm not the one to ask about that for a dispassionate evaluation. I don't think he's a good singer, it seems he can get a crowd going (but they're all under his spell already) and I hate his songs for the aforementioned reasons of exclusivity and self-pity. In an argument about him last night, someone said that if we're still talking about him in 10years time, then we'll know I was wrong. My bile may well have subsided by then if we're not.

Does he do what he's supposed to do? Well, begrudgingly, I have to say, yes he does. He's a product of the market he's helped to mould and has successfully exploited over the last few years. They love him. To the tune of many millions of dollars. Yes, American currency, even though he's not very well known out there(another "bah!" mark). He is a star, a celebrity, because he's told people that's what he is. And he's assertively British, even though the value of telling everyone you're brilliant and then writing introspective songs worrying publicly about whether it's true is not specifically a national passtime. As a country it's supposed to be more like not giving a crap whether we're any good, but having a damned good shot at it anyway! Tally ho! (This is why we will not win anything at sport ever.) Nice twist though. He markets himself exceptionally well - take the Sean Connery phase, which then allowed him to wear all the same suits and pretend to be a RatPack crooner for a couple of weeks. Clever, but I still don't like him.

Hatred rating: Hmmm.... now then on a scale of 1-10, where 1 is I really dislike hime but could hold a civil conversation with him and 10 is an overwhelming urge to wipe him off the face of the planet and destroy all trace of his existence, I would say Robbie rates a solid 5. I'd merely find him offensive if stuck in a lift with him. Plus I'd have to bend into an uncomfortable position as his head would take up most of the room as lifts can be pretty small.

Verdict: I suppose I'll have to put up with him. I might arrange for early morning arguments with one of his fans, and get my heart rate going before I even start my warm up exercises to go running.



2) Michael Winner. What a horrible old goat this man is.

Who is he and what is he famous for? He directed the Death Wish series of films, a long time ago. And he's the annoying old codger from the Esure adverts, before they replaced him with a plasticine mouse. He used to be rent-a-mouth for any opinion on the British film industry (but never really had anything useful to say or any credibility after what he turned out), and he campaigned for a memorial for all Police Officers who have been killed in the line of duty. Now he is rent-a-mouth on anything to do with that issue, but anything will do. He writes a few pieces in papers like the Mail, the Express and the Times. Occasionally you could see that as a cheap, and harmless way for them to provide their readers with a few column inches of entertaining opinion, but usually I just find his effusive spouting and self-righteousness offensive. He speaks like he's got a silver spoon stuck in his mouth (he was born rich, and has made himself posh), and he's an arrogant elitist pillock.

What's your problem with him then? The BBC News website today carries a story about him refusing the OBE because it's what toilet cleaners get. (Oooh... the blood is already bubbling). Where do I begin with that? How offensive! What does he want? There are all sorts of different awards, and they are distributed to all kinds of people for the value of their service when nominated by a thankful public. Was he expecting one for his work to get us to memorialise the Police Officers? I'm sorry, it was them, as public servants, whose job was to protect us, who lost their lives, and who possibly deserved a general monument, and any honour is theirs for that, not the celeb who claimed to think of the idea. And what other services have you kindly and selflessly provided for the betterment of our country? Crap films full of sex, blood and Charles Bronson? Restaurant Criticism? You just wanted a free meal and some column inches in which to name drop, you fat old git! Horrible, horrible old man.

Is he actually any good? As a film director? I've never seen one of his films, but I've just sneaked a cursory look at his IMdB, Wikipedia and britmovie.co.uk bios and filmographies and it seems he's not really acheived more than one or two good scenes, let alone films. As a restaurant critic - please! That is the most elitist, self-indulgent and smug "job" anyone can ever get paid for: the job description could have been written for him, so I suppose he must have done ok there. And if he was replaced by a pretend mouse in the adverts, I suppose that squeaks for itself too. Winner? Pah! I think not.

Does he do what he's supposed to do? As loud mouthed, opinionated, jumped up, elitist, posh people go, he still writes for our right wing newspapers, so I suppose he has his market. Not sure how this "toilet cleaner" remark will go down. It'll probably turn into a whinge about how broadening the honours system out to include ordinary people has devalued the honours themselves, and how it's not the same as in the old days. And how the proles should shut up and get on with it. God, I hope the Kings Cross Bog Team have a crack at him next time he's passing through.

Hatred Rating: Hmmm. Do I hate MW more than RW? Yes, I think I do. I think I'd reach the end of my tether very quickly if confronted with this smug, talentless, overblown, pompous twat, so he surpasses the lift situation. I'd give him a fist-clenching 6.5. There would be gritted teeth as well.

Verdict: Michael Winner has tipped the needle of my anger guage into the red half. He therefore should be kept far far away from me for my own good. It's not a pretty sight when I do lose my temper (although in my adult life it has only happened once), and for that reason, and not because I pose a threat to anyone, I'd really rather not be in any room containing Mr Loser.

That'll do for today.

More later.

C

Thursday, May 18, 2006

33 mins!


Well that all went very quickly. All of that training time sped by, and on Sunday, I ran the 5k, got back in 33 mins, collected my medal and was dead pleased with myself for the rest of the day. It being Thursday now, I've even been out for 2 more runs of the same length since the race, just to keep it going. I must admit, I am feeling a little bit creeky in the left groin area though. That's where I was injured before. I think I should change my training course, as I run the last 10 mins on a constant slope, and I don't think it's helping at all.

Ok, so I'm off my arse. I'm running. I've left the old job I hated. I've even quit the job I was just about to start when I last wrote. I did like the place, but I've been offered the hugest opportunity I can imagine in terms of photography and food stuff, and so I had to give up full time work to concentrate on it. I submitted the quote yesterday, and am now waiting for the go ahead, but if this comes off, I'm set for a career combining the 2 things I love in life. In the meantime, the money I earned last month has run out and I need to register for some temp work to get me through to the other end of the next week before my first pay packet from photography comes in.

And I'm pretty tired tonight, so I'll leave it at that for now.

More details soon....

C

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Cancer Research Race for Life - 14th May

Using only the power of my fingers to type, and the internet to download running training plans, and then the force of the urge to honestly get off this arse of mine, I have succeeded!

Inertia and apathy be damned! I WILL get healthy! Follow the link, sponsor me!

http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/carolino

And after this one, there'll be a 10k - I'm trying to register for the London 10k in July - just waiting to find out if there are still spaces available to run in aid of the Samaritans.

Got to keep this going. It's taken so much for me to get moving, but in the last few weeks I've changed my outlook on the world completely, along with my address, my sleep pattern, and my job - I've handed my notice in and will be starting as a trainee collections officer for a smaller company up in Horsforth after the Easter weekend.

I'm proud of myself, and want to keep going, passing the targets I set myself and proving I can do it!

One of these days, I'll post some detail to fill in the gaps, but for now - look how far I've come!

Well, I'm chuffed!

C

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Off My Arse!

As Mao Tse Tung so memorably said...."We have stood up!"

I have begun to pull my finger out, my socks up and to put my best foot forward. Or at least there are signs of life and an attempt to make good on my intentions.

Got a gig with the camera - possibly even 2 or 3! Hurray! Lots of research and work to do before I'm ready to go, but I've been offered the chances and I'm going to take them.

And when my wage goes into my bank account this month, I'll be purchasing a new pair of running shoes, and using a 12 week training and exercise plan to get me from "zero to hero", running up to 10km, within 3months!

Hurray!

Oh - and ...

Having read my precis of what I did last year, I realise that I completely missed out 4 or 5 weeks of pleasure I had in reading 4 of Alexander McCall Smith's "Number 1 Ladies' Detective Agency" books. I have fallen for Mma Ramotswe and her Botswana. Absolutely lovely.

And right now, I'm being a bit rude and reading the book I intend to give to my Dad for Xmas (they live in Portugal, and they're both old enough to wait for their gifts, and they can come over here to collect them!). It's called "Narrow Dog To Carcassonne" by Terry Darlington, and is the account of his journey with his wife, whippet and narrow boat down the canals from Stone in Staffordshire to Carcassonne in the far southwest corner of France. We did a trip from Carcassonne to Marseilles by barge about 15 years ago, and we've been trying to get my Dad to write about his and Mum's adventures in the campervan since the retired 5 years ago. The funny thing is that this guy writes just like my Dad does (albeit with a Welsh accent and Dylan Thomas flavouring) but with an emphasis on his love of running and the dog, where my Dad would tell us all about his adventures with cooking and local food that he's discovered. I reckon he'll really enjoy it, when I finish it!

Right - stuff to do.... Bye!

C

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

2006 and all that

Well. What can I say? Disgusting behaviour, really. I sincerely apologise for my complete neglect of this blog for the best part of the last 6 months.

All I can say is that I've been busy.

Since I last posted the following has happened, but not necessarily in this order:

- Wrote and published the Ubernoise gig review in Leeds Sandman magazine (see "Ubernoise@ The Cardigan Arms" http://www.sandmanmagazine.co.uk/leeds/leedsindex.html)

- Week long holiday on a barge between Braunston in Leicestershire and Teddington Lock in London.

- Have read several books, favourites being Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy (the scene where Lee Scoresby dies in "The Subtle Knife" made me sob like a baby), and "The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail" ("The Da Vinci Code" is crap, but this is the research the story is drawn from, and aside from the rather preposterous history of the Priory of Sion, the ideas about Jesus, and by extension all religion, are really important).

- Holbeck hoisted peace candles as our Xmas lights. Nice.

- Bought a well expensive and rather sexy Nikon D70s Digital camera.

- Went out shooting around Leeds for the Itchy Leeds guide book 2006 (with camera).

- Am developing a few projects about identity, tradition, skills and community. Needs a lot more work over the next few weeks.

- Threw a party to celebrate my 30th birthday. Lots of curry, lots of wine, lots of good friends.

- Have started eating eggs again, and can now get close to meat (as proved by shots I took at a local butchers shop) but I have ho intention of eating it again.

- I have long hair again for the first time in about 5 years, and I like it!

- We had a big old row and trouble with our landlord, went house hunting, then decided to stay here, lost our housemates, and will be househunting again in the next few weeks.

And lots of other stuff.


And now - it's time...

My New Year Resolutions for 2006 are: -

- Be a better mate. More time and more care for my mates.

- Finish something I started - either go back to Aikido, or my Ma or get back to running, or something. Or everything!

- Throw dinner parties, cooking, talking, drinking, mates. Everything I like in one place. Exept that I'm going to drink less when not with mates. Cut my intake a bit.

- Get serious about writing and shooting. Really serious. I need to learn more about digtal and put it all into practice. That camera has to pay for itself! We're talking website, advertising, being a phototart, submitting photos and text to everything I possibly can.

- And just put my back into it all round, really. I've been a slacker for too long and let myself off 'cos I've been poorly. This is the year I get a grip!

So - on we go. And I'll try to visit more regularly, eh? Thatd be good.

See you soon,

C